NEXT!!!

it's at demonbear247.blogspot.com. just around the corner... :)

CODE!!!

i've decided to practically shut this blog down.

not this account, though.


see, i work in a hospital, spending more that half of my time in the OR. i've had my share of really critical (resist the urge to call 'em cases, OK??) patients, some who were strong enough and fought back from their predicament, while some were not as strong nor as lucky.


the last patient of mine to die was a jolly man of 66 years. he underwent heart bypass surgery a couple of weeks back and by many indications, it seemed he was a good candidate to recover and extend his life by a good number of fruitful years. compared to some of our previous patients the week before whom we thought undergoing the procedure would be their death knell (kulang na lang isarado na yung kabaong...), Mr. X was an Olympian!


for reasons we don't know, almost everything that could go wrong post-op went wrong. we couldn't wean him off the ventilator, couldn't wean him of the inotropes and cardiac drugs...at some point, i even found myself performing CPR on this man, thinking "what the heck is wrong??"


he 'recovered' from that first arrest episode but it was all downhill from there. coronary angiography 4 days after his operation revealed that ALL the grafts were stenosed/blocked/occluded just the same, meaning all the surgery did to him was shorten his time on this earth... and, no, lest you're thinking that anybody from the team was at fault, no. everybody did their part well. somehow that doesn't seem so comforting, especially to the family.


two days from his first arrest,he finally said goodbye. this happened a few hours after his wife mustered enough courage to finally face him. "mag-ingat ka sa paglakbay mo" she said to him. i left the room shortly afterwards, feeling ashamed to have listened in on parts of their conversation.


"CODE!"

CPR was done but he was never revived after. from the moment 'code' was called, almost everybody in the room knew that his time was up.


what does this have to do with this blog? after writing that...introduction, the impetus for this post seems a wee bit insignificant. just the same. sometimes it just is best to let go and, when circumstances permit, start over.


so there. i'm flying blind no longer. i'm heading towards the horizon, and stangely enough, i'm actually nearing it.

---

oh yeah. correction. mr. x wasn't the last. another curveball was thrown my/our way during my last day at TCVS. may you rest in peace too, sir.

"update mo naman blog mo..."

i haven't been much of a weblogger the past few...well, for the past year. this is not to say that there has not been anything worth writing about. the only chance of that happening would be if i was living under a rock on top of some lonely mountain. the thing is, it's those very things worth writing about that have prevented me from writing! by the time i got around to sitting in front of my computer, the inspiration to write would often have passed.


now, you may ask, "why the sudden urge to write?" at 2a.m. with practically no sleep whatsoever from a 30+ hour duty day? no particular reason. there's just the urge to do so. i have to force myself to write in order to get back into the groove.


write, write, WRITE! i used to encourage a certain procrastinator friend to write, with those same words. she used to complain that she had no output for her creative energies and once remarked that she wanted to try her hand at writing or drawing. now, she blogs more than i do and is a budding photographer. (yeah, this is a little shout out to YOU. you know who you are...)


so there. i've updated. the first post of the year would've been perfect for a year-in-review piece, but seeing as it's already February, the feeling has passed me by. let's start with a clean slate, shall we? somebody poke me with a stick an force me, ok??

TAGGED

nothing like a good kick in the ass (figuratively speaking) to get things going again. um, thank you ate Bie! ;P although i can't promise to update this as often as before. i could, but would anyone want to read about nonsense?? ANYWAY... without further ado!

====
4 jobs I've HAD in my life
A> Anesthesiologist (in training...)
B> assistant to the Defense Attache, Philippine Embassy, Singapore. (NOT an official title... i had nothing to do while vacationing there, so papa suggested i work for my money naman. so i did)
C> Procrastinator
D> Dreamer

4 places i've lived at
A> Camp Aguinaldo
B> Moonwalk Subdivision, Las Pinas (where the roads make you feel as if you're actually on the moon!)
C> Braddell Hill, Singapore
D> Ermita, Manila

4 tv shows i love to watch
A> BUFFY the Vampire Slayer!!!
B> (in a manner of speaking, i actuallyy hate) LOST
C> HOUSE MD
D> Monday Night Football (darn... for the third straight year, i'm missing the Superbowl!)

4 places i've been on vacation
A> Singapore
B> U.S.
C> Canada
D> Malaysia

4 websites i visit daily (or...when i can)
A> CNNSI.COM
B> Friendster
C> Gmail
D> Comicbookresources.com

4 of my favorite foods
A> PAELLA!
B> white chocolate mousse
C> dark chocolate
D> mangoes

4 places i'd rather be right now
A> anywhere with my baby!

4 bloggers i am (or plan on) tagging
A> (um, i haven't decided yet, but i guess...) bestfriendCelle
B> Changkee
C> Bilbs
D> YOU! you random blog hopper you... :)

think... think...

How You Life Your Life

You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

---

this i got from Cheche, who in turn got it from ate Bie, who got it from i don't know who... anyway. lessee how right these little thingamajigs are. and do they really say something about us or do we try and see them in ways that might fit us? hmm, i took up psychology and don't really know squat about anything "psych" anymore. it seemed a LONG time ago... i was young and stupid then. guess now i'm just old and stupid.

#1. do i tend to deprive myself of the things i crave, for my own good? hmmm... my answer to that would be a definite maybe. lately, what i want, i really WANT! and i think i have exerted a bit more effort (compared to young and stupid DLo)try to get these things. but they haven't quite worked out in the way i would want them to. now, i could say this applies to a lot of things in my life right now, and maybe it does, but who am i kidding? those of you who really know me know what (who?) it is i really want. i want to find THE ONE, like everyone else does. and some of my friends find it funny, but one line that keeps coming out of my mouth is "i wanna settle down! preferably in the near future... i wanna care for something larger than my self. parang i've been kinda selfish for so long, for many wrong reasons... and i'm tired. hmm... layo na ba sa 'things i crave' bit?


#2. YUP. I'm laid back and chill, but i sometimes STILL care about what others think. nothing to discuss there, right now. YUP. YUP. YUP.

#3. i PREFER a variety of friends, yes, but i (really hope and would like to think i) don't change friends quickly. what exactly does this mean? that you're my friend for now or that you're just some flavor of the month that falls out of favor? yikes... i hope i'm not that kinda person. so, my friends... please chime in on this one and tell me whether this applies to me/us. feel free to hit me on the head if it does. :)

#4.ahh... that one BIG dream. more like little, simpler ones strung together. sige, i'm gonna devote one post (or maybe a series, if i find inspiration. and time) just for this but for now... please refer to #1.

---
some shout-outs:

• welcome back, PebbofwendCelle! (wag ka na umalis!!!)
• congratulations, ate Bie!
• hehe... congratulations (?) also, Celle! crossing fingers that this is 647. ;)

until then, i remain...

mr. hyde

yeah, yeah. i know i just wrote about something more uplifting, but allow me this belated rant. this entry is about 5 days overdue and maybe i should've written it when there was more of an emotional 'oomph' to it. anyway... the watered down version:

WHY IS EVERYBODY LEAVING? (at one point, this mutated into a more selfish 'why is everybody leaving ME?') pssh! whatever. this is my take on one of carlo's posts last month wherein he was asking the world to just stop. whatever reason he had for writing that, i've no idea, but it sounded like a rant to me.

so. care to answer?

it is a fact of life that nothing is permanent. that any change is bound to disrupt any sort of equilibrium that has set. just when you were getting comfortable in your bed, you have to wake up. don't get me wrong, i'm not averse to any change at all! in fact, i find that i welcome it, to an extent. gimme new experiences, new challenges, new ideas and new people! upset the balance and tip the glass over so that it can be filled again!

not just this way...! yeah, i'm whining. in case you're asking, i'm not in 'crisis mode', i'm just ranting. about why YOU never took the chance, about why YOU have to say one thing and then do the other, about why YOU aren't back here, about why i can't reach YOU, about why YOU just can't let me be, about why YOU have to leave when you haven't actually arrived yet, about why YOU and i have this weird friendship, YADDA! YADDA!

somebody please feel free to just slap me out of this reverie. oh, and in case you're wondering. THAT rant wasn't about YOU.

merry christmas!

yikes! the "-ber" months are once again upon us. you guys know how it is here in the philippines, where the yuletide season lasts practically 5 (or even 6!) months. last year, i had this little wager with Ziggy about the earliest date when i would hear the first carol. from what i can recall, i think i said that it would be on the first friday of september (i missed it by just one day! saturday morning was when i heard it in batangas). this year's carols came a little later, as i heard 'silent night' chiming out of some electronic toy at a stall in the greenhills tiangge. a few days earlier, i think i read something about christmas in the newspaper.

officially, the christmas season has begun and oh, you might say "matagal pa yan! 5 months nga 'di ba?" but before you know it, poof! the sound of (often) out-of-tune kids (ang sama ko naman!) and even firecrackers would be a distant memory. before you know it, you would be whining about the excess poundage we've all accumulated (and yet still be missing all the goodies you had). before you know it, everybody would be back to wearing their "work" faces and be all crummy and inconsiderate and irritable. before you know it, (well, 'di naman siguro... but stranger things have happened) another year might have passed and i would be writing an eerily similar message.

so there, now that you've been warned, maybe you could get a head start on your christmas shopping, for the people you care about (and some you don't care for as much) and also for yourself. maybe you could, well, go on a prophylactic exercise program for the inevitable weight increase.

or maybe, just maybe... and it really wouldn't hurt too much, if at all, to start thinking about how your year has been so far. there's still time to make the most out of the months remaining. to know where your priorities lie and recognize what the most important things are, especially... (finish this sentence!). basta. i don't wanna get mushy and all, but you get the drift. smile like you mean it and feel it, not just because it's christmas. there's a lot to be thankful for, in spite of all the negativity around.

bullets

hmm... these will pretty much be random thoughts, and i won't be thinking too much about writing something that'll blow your socks off. but if i do pull out a gem somewhere in this li'l old brain of mine, well, be glad. so here we go...

• first... why the bullet format? la lang, must be influenced by all the tables and diagrams and figures in all my books. teka... alam ko na. kasalanan 'to ni Cheche!! hehe! sulat lang ng sulat!
• similar to what's happened in the past... i've neglected this blog a bit. mas madali kasi i-maintain yung sa Friendster e. maybe i'd write stuff over there for "public" consumption and dedicate this to more personal and intimate stuff. maybe i'd put up pictures of my drawings and ambigrams there and write my stories here. maybe i would say one thing over there, with a matching *wink, wink* and pour my heart out over here. all that to keep you guys (my audience of...4?) hopping from one blog to the next.
• what is there to do now that the big bad board exams are over? tick off as many as i can from my 'life plans' list. there's reading and writing and drawing and traveling and trimming down and so on and so forth... however, there's only so much i can DO before reality starts tapping me on the shoulder again (pre-residency starts in a little over a month). another thing to do: update the life plans list in a month, complete with updates and accomplishments. so for those who know me? remind me of the things i need to be doing! :)
• watch out for the STORY of the century, hehe! (ooh... bet you're wondering what that is!)

my version of Peachy's

(i'm slacking, at the most critical time of my review, which is the home stretch...)

LIFE PLANS, version 1.01

1. PASS (at least!) the Physicians' Licensure Exam - THE priority right now. (hits self on head..."dammit, study!") everything that follows is not necessarily in order of priority or importance. hehe, kung kilala mo ako, baka ma-gets mo kung ano ang importante. ;)

2. learn to cook PAELLA. or bake a nice, chocolate cake.

3. WRITE my stories! there's the love story (which could end up as a collaboration with...); there's the wonder-years-set-in-college-meets-the-indiana-jones-meets-serendipity-meets-x-men tale, etc...

4. DRAW my stories. at least the short, violent and weird one (in a twilight zone-ish way) set at the PGH ER.

5. go on a ROAD TRIP.

6. replace my "one-pack" with a SIXER. haha!

7. join a flag FOOTBALL league. or some other team sport.

8. catch up (and expand) on my READING LIST namely harry potter 4, 5 & 6 (i have to finish 'goblet' first. i've started it, oh, around 5 times already, never getting past chapter 6!), artemis fowl 4, the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay, brave new world, the new one by nick hornby (the title of which escapes me, at the moment) plus loads of other books which my sister has ('like water for chocolate', some coelho books also...)

9. clean my room and closet of clutter. as some of you may know, i'm a pack rat. kung pwedeng may hindi itapon o ipamigay, itatago ko. i've lotsa old magazines & songhits, concert/movie tickets, old sketchpads, cassette tapes (!!!), comics, shoes, shirts, old pencils and crayons... you can just imagine the mess my room is. then again, di lang naman ako ang naglalagay ng "kalat" sa kwarto e. since i've been practically away for the past 5 years, my room has become the default storage room at our house, which really pisses me off, but i haven't really had time to rant, much less "de-clutter".

10. SKYDIVE. or BUNGEE.

15. grow my hair long enough to braid into cornrows. i haven't worn my hair really long so i just want to know how that'll look (i can imagine... hehe. panget! nyahaha!) and feel.

18. become CHIEF RESIDENT? :)

20. UPROOT myself, finally, from Manila.

21. SETTLE down. (meaning, i first have to find... YOU. wherever you are.)

33. attend a major sporting event. the SUPERBOWL. or OLYMPICS.

39. sing or play in a BAND. hehe. yeah right. (this is the part of the list where i start dreaming...) sige na nga... at least learn to play the guitar better.

46. see U2 or STING, in concert!

54. RETIRE on a secluded island

55. be CONTENT